You’re not alone

by Kyra

February 4, 2021

Content Warning: emotional and physical abuse

I am 23 years old and 4 days before finding out i was pregnant I finally gotten the strength to leave my abuser. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for a year and a half, it was on the verge of turning physically. I was disrespected and called names everyday, accused of cheating, body shaming, and gun violence. The dayIi left (4 days before finding out) he snatched the covers off of me and forcefully stuck his fingers into my vagina and putting it in my face saying no one would ever want to be with me and I stink.

When I took the test I sent it to him and the first thing he replied is whose is it. We were planning on keeping it, but things just took a turn for the worst. He denied the baby, often told me I was killing the baby, told me to get abortions and then to keep the baby, I was still being called every name in the book, and he told me I make him want to kill me not to mention he pointed a gun at me and to his head before.

My first trip to planned parenthood I got denied for the pill because my iron was low and got rescheduled for two weeks later. During those two weeks I experienced severe morning sickness and was bed ridden for two weeks. I felt so alone and scared. My thoughts were how could this be, I can’t possibly have this child. I was fearful for my life and my child’s life, this child’s father was unstable mentally. The last thing I wanted was for him to kill or harm me and my child.  I knew I couldn’t bring a child into the world under these conditions or this relationship!

I was scared God was going to punish me, but I believe he led me to my abortion. I say that because the day my child’s father told me I make him want to kill me. I woke up the next morning and checked my news app and the first thing I saw was two pregnant women killed by the father of their child. That same day I went outside to talk to my neighbor and played with her dog. She asked me if I was still with him, I said no. She then asked if he ever hit me and I said no. She said he’s not going to he’s going to kill you. I said how do you know that? She said I can tell the way he gets in your face and screams at you. Then she told me don’t have kids. Crazy right!?

So the day of my appointment my iron was up and the gave me the choice to so surgical or the pill. I chose surgical because I wanted it to be over with. I cried before the procedure started because I was scared, but the staff was really supportive.

It has been almost two months since my procedure and I feel free and at peace. I felt a feeling of relief once the whole thing was over. There is a feeling or remorse and regret but I knew I made the right decision. It feels good not having someone constantly yelling in your face shaming your vagina or calling you every name in the book or shutting down your dreams.

Right now I am focusing on my fitness business and I plan on continuing my masters degree and hopefully when the time is right I will be able to bring a child into the world with the right man and he/she will be raised in a healthy loving environment.

You are loved and God forgives you ❤️


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