You’re not alone.

I never thought I would have a problem getting an abortion if I were to ever get pregnant at the wrong time, but when I saw the little plus sign on my test, it felt like the entire world was coming down around me. The first thing I wanted to do was call my mom.. to hug her and have her tell me everything would be okay. But my parents are very conservative Christians and extremely pro-life. I value my close relationship with them and can never tell them what happened because it would ruin what we have forever. I would likely be cast out from my family. I have irregular periods and didn’t realize something was wrong until I was almost 10 weeks into the pregnancy. I couldn’t get an appointment anywhere where I lived for a few more weeks and had to drive to a different city to get the surgery. I cried the whole time and the anesthesiologist held my hand. They told me I wouldn’t remember it because the drugs they gave me cause amnesia, but the entire scene is seared into my memory and I remember everything. I take flowers to a random grave every year on the anniversary. I know what I did was the right thing for me and my partner. But I felt so alone, so broken by the process. My body wasn’t the same for a long time. I realized how many people out there have been through the same thing, but many of our communities forbid us from talking about it, from sharing and leaning on one another through one of the hardest and most painful decisions humans can make. To anyone reading this who feels alone in their decision-making, I love you. Grief takes on many forms and it might take a while for you to find yours, but people are resilient and you are stronger than you know.