You Will Thank Yourself

I was 34. Never married. No kids. Never thought I wanted kids, in fact it seemed like a torturous lifestyle. I am very independent and successful. I had the means to raise a child well. I felt immense guilt after the reality of a pregnancy set in and selfish that so many people struggle with infertility and I knew immediately I wanted to get rid of it. I struggled with the fact I was doing this for ‘convenience’. However it wasn’t for convenience, it was to protect myself from a life of stress. Of losing myself. Of not being able to sleep through the night and enjoy silence at the end of the day. I was protecting my mental health. I had visions of a nightmare- of me being depressed, dreadfully tired, worrying about money, possibly being stuck in a relationship that wasn’t making me happy ‘for’ the child. I have bigger dreams than motherhood. I run a business, I travel, I see my friends often, I live in a beautiful apartment and drive a nice car. Now, almost a year and a half later, I do not feel regret, guilt, or any harsh feelings towards it. It is NOT murder. It is a cluster of cells. That’s all. When I found out I was pregnant I read so many of these stories and they helped immensely. I hope this helps someone as well. It will get better, trust me.