You saved me

by Emily

November 22, 2019

I know it is so common but I never pictured it would be me. I was a young 18 year old girl who had just started a relationship with the most perfect man after ending one with a nasty boy. I thought my life was perfectly on track.


I had been taking the mini pill since I was around 16 for no other reason than I was recommended by my doctor after becoming self conscious about my skin (acne). This then made it easier for me as when I got into my relationship, I could avoid any awkward conversations with my mum about contraception. Anyway, I was in a relationship with this boy for around a year in a half until I started to realise that he brought me down. It affected my mood with others and I was becoming a person I didn’t want to be. So we ended it. And around 4 months later, I was in a much happier relationship – and still am!


Anyway, I started to notice myself putting on weight, and to myself it was very noticeable as naturally I have a slim figure. I started to hate the way my body looked. My jeans became tighter and I started to think that maybe there was more to this than just putting on weight. I went to my local supermarket, grabbed a pregnancy test and headed home. The instructions usually read lay the test flat and results may take 2-3 mins to show, it took around 10 second before I seen two red lines clear as day… I was pregnant. I panicked but thought I would only be around 8-9 weeks so had time. I made an appointment with my doctor who then referred me to the maternity ward at the hospital.


I was sitting in the maternity ward and was the last appointment of the day, and probably the most stressed. I went in and was greeted by two of the most loving and gentle nurses who made me feel incredibly at ease. She took an ultrasound of me and announced to me that I was 23 weeks and 1 day. My heart dropped. I literally didn’t know what to think. I had told no-one I was here. The nurse then told me that it isn’t legal in Scotland to have an abortion after 20 weeks and if I wanted to go ahead with this, I would have to make my way to England ASAP. The nurse made a few phone calls for me and wished me the best of luck. I cried leaving the hospital, I cried the full 40 minute journey home, I broke down when I saw my mum. At that point all I wanted was for her to tell me everything would be OK, but even she was lost for words.


The following day, I was waiting for a call from BPAS (British Pregnancy Advisory Service) to see if they could get me an appointment. As we only had 5 days, you can imagine how stressed I was. Eventually, they got back to me with a stand by appointment on the Sunday as 12:30. I broke down again as their definition of stand by meant if they could fit me in for an appointment that day. I was so worried.

The only people that knew were my mum and dad. I couldn’t tell anyone else. I couldn’t tell my friends as I couldn’t trust it would stay between them. I couldn’t tell my current boyfriend as I was too embarrassed about what he would think. And I couldn’t tell my ex as I don’t believe he would even be mature enough to handle this situation.

My parents and I drove down to London from Glasgow on the Saturday. I had to pretend to my boyfriend, friends and family members that I was ill, whilst my mum and dad had to make up other lies to tell their friends. It was going to be a long weekend.

We woke up on the Sunday and made it at the BPAS centre for around 12:00. I was taken straight away to check my height, weight, blood pressure and other general tests. I then returned to the waiting room and was taken for an ultrasound after that. I then went back to the waiting area once again, and waited for around 3 hours before I was taken again. I was asked to put on a hospital gown and lay on the bed. I was going to be taken in to theatre for cervix preparation. This put me at ease as I knew I would be returning the next day to complete the termination. Due to how far along I was with my pregnancy as well, they would have to give me fetecide, a drug sometimes administered in later abortions to stop the fetal heartbeat before the surgical abortion process begins. I had a support nurse who let me hold her hand through the process. It sounds childish but it did help me through. I was taken to a recovery room where they checked my blood pressure etc again and offered me a hot drink and a biscuit.

I was then greeted by my mum and dad again and told just to take it easy as I was in at 8am the following day. I was to fast for 6 hours before this.

I woke up the next day and was feeling super anxious. I didn’t know what to expect but I knew it was going to happen today. We arrived again at around 7:50 and seen many of the same faces as the day before. I was taken up to prepare for theatre around 10:30. It was the same procedures as before however this time, I was being put under a general anesthetic. I was nervous about this as well. The thought of knowing you’re drifting to sleep and being about to do nothing about it really worried me. However, the anesthetist put me at ease and told me they would be with me throughout the full procedure which out my mind at rest. There was a lot of prep talk but I remember the anesthetist telling me he was going to start to administer the anesthetic. My throat started to tingle and the next thing I remember was waking up in the recovery room. I asked the nurse how long I was in for and she said around 10 minutes. That was it.

They took me up to see the nurse again to do general checks and I was given a hot drink and biscuit again. They then brought my mum up to the room and we were both reduced to tears. I think I was just due to the fact that, probably, the most stressful week of our lives was almost over.

I cannot thank them enough. My mum and dad showed me so much love within that week. I also cannot thank BPAS enough for fitting me in. My life would have been completely different if it wasn’t for them. They were so kind and I just want to express my thanks 1 million times over. Thank you.

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