“You left me.”

by Shan

May 31, 2022

I was in college, and I was dating a guy, which, looking back, was definitely cheating on me. I got pregnant and immediately told my friends. I was scared to tell my mom, because the only thing she ever told me when I got to college my freshman year, was to “not get pregnant.” (She didn’t even say that she was proud of me for actually getting to college, and for free…) They asked me what I wanted to do, and I immediately said that I didn’t want to keep it. Eventually, I told my mom. She said, “I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.” I went to school out of state and it was close to spring break, so I decided to go through the process at home to be closer to my mom and sister.

That didn’t go so well.

My mom didn’t want my stepfather to know that I was pregnant, so they planned a trip to the zoo on the day that I had to pass the fetus. She told him, “she just doesn’t feel well. She has to feel better on her own.” I laid in a bathroom, alone, crying and screaming because the pain was almost unbearable to fight through. No one was there to save me, even the person that told me she’d always be there to help me when I need her. My sister was younger, so she understood, but wanted to stay with me. My mom told her that she couldn’t.

That was about 6 years ago now, and I still haven’t forgiven her. I’ve been working through it, because my sister just had a baby a month ago, and she was overjoyed when she broke the news. I wanted to be happy, but it still hurts a bit.

I truly appreciate this platform and the voices that have had the courage to share.

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