Worst month of my life

by Anonymous

September 29, 2021

I was 21 years old. Just a college girl trying to get by. I had been in a long term relationship of about 4 years, and we had just broke up. I started talking to this new guy I had known for a couple years and casually hanging out with him. We went to a college party at the river one day and we got drunk. He took me home and took advantage of my intoxication. I had my period and then missed my next one. I took 4 pregnancy tests because I couldn’t believe they all said pregnant. I went to the doctor and they said I was 4-6 weeks along. I had sex with my ex 6 weeks ago and unwanted sex with the new guy 4 weeks ago. So I decided to tell my ex the situation. He wasn’t supportive because he didn’t think the child was his. The douche rapist wanted nothing to do with a baby or me after telling him.

My parents were very old fashioned and I wasn’t even able to talk to them about sex. There was no way I could tell them I was pregnant. They would kick me out, not support me. They would make me drop out of college. I couldn’t find any resources for abortion. I tried natural remedies and nothing worked. So I went to the “black market” that is the internet. I found medical abortion pills to order for $200, which was all the money I had. The package arrived a week later and the pills were concealed by a phone charger. I was so relieved. I took the first pill. Two mornings later the heavy bleeding began. So I took the second pill to start the contractions. In about 30 minutes I had severe cramping and excessive bleeding for hours. Hours. I felt weak and faint. My parents came home that night. I had to act like I was fine, just having a heavy period. This heavy period lasted about 4 weeks. I never saw a doctor through this whole process. I read about it online everyday. I worried constantly about infection and dying. It’s been 7 years now, and I think about it almost everyday. It was a traumatic experience because I didn’t have support or resources in my state.

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