Not every good decision is an easy one to make and I never could’ve imagined that having an abortion would be something I could decide to do.
I have always been a planner — Type-A, organizing my entire life through a series of calendars, diagrams, and spreadsheets. Finding out I was pregnant from a one night stand with an ex, two weeks before I finished law school felt like nothing short of being the end of my world. I knew immediately that I was in no position to be pregnant. I felt guilty knowing that there are people in the world who want so desperately a pregnancy that I viewed as honestly the worst thing to happen to me in that moment.
I still want to bring life into this world one day. When the time is right, when I have a partner supportive of me, and supportive of the experience. When upon learning that I am pregnant, my heart flutters and sings instead of sinks to the pit of my stomach. There is still a dull and quiet emptiness — a grief and sadness at the fact that something I’ve always wanted came to me at a time I wasn’t ready to give the experience what it deserved. But I try to find peace and strength in knowing that I did what is best.
