When I Am Ready

by Anonymous

April 23, 2021

I had my abortion at 22 years old. I had just been hired for my dream career and was about two months out from making the big move over 1000 miles away. I was in a relationship with and still am with the love of my life. I began feeling sick for a few days and being pregnant was the last thing that I thought it would be. I was on the copper IUD and I never thought that I would be that one percent that gets pregnant.

I had gone to urgent care to see what was going on and was told by a nurse practitioner that I was pregnant. I remember being in absolute disbelief when I found out. I remember the feeling of embarrassment when all of the medical professionals there gave me that look of knowing that it wasn’t planned. But from the moment I found out I knew that I could not go forward with the pregnancy. I had worked so hard for so long for my career and knew that I was nowhere near ready to be a good mother. I knew that I wanted to be a mom someday, but not like this. I wanted to have the mental energy for my children, I wanted to show them how beautiful the world is, and I certainly did not want to bring them up in a world where I was struggling financially and regretting the career that I missed out on.

I have never regretted my decision, but what I have struggled with is the feeling of having something about me that would alter others’ opinions of me. It breaks my heart knowing that there are people out there that would hate me for this decision I made. What I have slowly come to realize over time is that the only opinion whose matters is my own. I am the only person who has to live with myself day in and day out. Raising a child will be the most impactful thing I do in my adult life, and I am going to do it right when I am ready. From that I have drawn strength knowing that I have made the right decision for myself, for my career, for my family, for my future, and for my future children. I will not let the opinion of others shape how I feel about myself. I am the strong person I am today because of the decisions I have made and because of what I have gone through. I am choosing to move forward in life and I’m very happy for it.

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