I don’t know

It’s been 2 months and 4 days since I had my abortion. I would be 16 weeks and 4 days today if I continued with the pregnancy. I don’t know why I keep count. I don’t know why I check what size it would be of which fruit or vegetable. I don’t know why I check what milestones it would have hit each week. Sometimes we do things and we don’t know why, but I do know I had my first thought of ‘I did the right thing for me’ last week and it felt freeing. So even though you know you’re making the right choice at the time but it hurts and is confusing, trust and have hope that one day you will have that moment too. It may come to you in the strangest way.