I was young and inexperienced, and thought I could trust my older boyfriend who ‘knew better’.
The very first time I had sex without a condom he pulled out with plenty of time and I had no reason to suspect anything. But the days before my period was due I felt off and I somehow just knew.
A friend bought me a pregnancy test that I did in the bathroom where we all worked. My (now ex) boyfriend was downstairs. I’d broken up with him the week before I found out I was pregnant, after he tried to force a threesome on me, and raped me in front of the other girl when I refused.
We went for a walk and I told him. He said he’d support whatever I wanted to do, started talking about moving in together and raising a child together.
I never even considered it. I cannot imagine what life would have been like raising a child with my rapist, who had started trying to control every aspect of my life in the short 3 months we were dating.
I am so fortunate to live in a country where abortion is safe, legal, and free. I called the day after I found out, and was given an appointment quickly.
When they did the internal ultrasound, I was given the choose to look at the screen or not. I chose not to. She told me I was 5 weeks and 1 day pregnant.
6 week bans are disgusting. There was no way I could have accessed an abortion sooner, I made the appointment the second I knew I was pregnant and was given an appointment in the same week. Deciding to get an abortion was not a difficult choice for me and I knew what I wanted to do immediately. But for someone whose mind was not immediately made up, how are they supposed to access an abortion within 6 weeks? This is an impossible barrier.
I chose to take the pills, and was sent home with my best friend for the process to work. I didn’t take the painkillers I’d been prescribed, almost to punish myself. I wish I had been kinder on myself back then.
My friend and I watched gossip girl on Netflix and ate dominos and she stayed up with me all night. I got up like a trooper and went to school the next day, going in early to finish the group project that was due that same day.
I am so thankful my experience was as smooth and easy as possible, yet it still would have been less emotionally difficult is abortion wasn’t a taboo subject.
One thing that helped me more than anything was realising I wasn’t alone and women around me had been in the same position as me, just no one talked about it until I revealed my situation.
I try and talk about my abortion as much as possible now. I never know who might hear it and feel a little less alone.
