Wasn’t the wrong or right choice for me

by Anonymous

January 27, 2023

I was 22 years old just leaving a toxic marriage. 2 weeks after I left I found out I was 4 weeks pregnant, I was distraught, hurt, felt violated all by the man I thought I loved. We went half and half on the abortion as I knew I couldn’t and didn’t want anything to still be tied down to him. I was couch surfing and trying to understand myself. I did want the baby but I knew I couldn’t keep it, it wasn’t right I didn’t want the baby to be with a toxic father of a man he was. Sometimes I think “if you kept the baby you were strong enough to make it.” Other times I think “thank god you made the choice for your safety and mental health and all the opportunities you’ve gotten without having the child.” I had my abortion for my safety and for that child’s safety if it was born my toxic ex would still be in the picture that baby could’ve been getting abused just like me and I didn’t want that. I know now that being pregnant once wasn’t my only opportunity, I just need patience and healing from the trauma I’ve gone through and I know that god and the universe hears me and I will have a little miracle some day.

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