Vegas. Need I say more? I had been on the pill since I was 14, and just over a year ago, after being on hormones for 10 years, I decided enough was enough. It was creating pure havoc on my body. So I got the Nuvaring. Fast forward to Vegas, me forgetting to put the ring back in after it was time to change it, somehow landing on a fertile day, and there I was a month later crying on the toilet at the two lines that popped up. I took the test, 4 times. All showing positives.

Without question, the very first thought that went through my mind was “I need to call the clinic”. I was familiar with it, as two of my friends in high school had abortions, and I felt comfortable there. The staff was amazing, friendly, and non-judgmental. I couldn’t help to think though, that I never thought I’d be there… for myself.

I’m in my first year of probation as a firefighter at my dream department. My boyfriend and I have been together four years, we rent, and we’re not married. None of that really matters, but it wasn’t what I wanted. Call it selfish or silly traditional values, but we’re trying to build a home, I would have to go on light duty at my job and his parents are hardcore Christians and I’m assuming would be disappointed in me. How funny that I say, in me and not me and my boyfriend?

So I told him, I laid the tests out on the bed and his eyes got big. He said it’s your body, your decision, and I’ll support you the whole way. I’m extremely fortunate. I made an appointment, faced the protesters and met some amazing women like me, who shared their stories. I was at 6 weeks gestation, was constantly sick and I realized I am not ready for this. I felt at peace with my decision, but couldn’t help to think – am I a bad person? Is this murder? I was afraid that if I stepped near a church I’d light up like a Christmas tree.

I wasn’t sure if this was normal, to have these thoughts and then I found websites like SYA. Other women sharing their stories and testimonials have made me feel so empowered. However, I still have not told a soul, minus my boyfriend. I’m too scared. It is STILL such a stigma, taboo, and almost “underground” like. It really shouldn’t be. It’s a medical procedure, an informed one, done with doctors and nurses. It’s a choice. It’s a PERSONAL choice, and one that doesn’t deserve an apology.