Update. 18 years old

by Esther

April 7, 2020

I submitted an entry on here 6 months ago. I was about to have an abortion. I was 17, terrified and lost.

I’m now 18 and I think about my baby every day. I think about how far along I’d be now and I wonder what he or she would’ve looked like or what I would’ve named it. I wonder if I would’ve been a good mum and what life would’ve been like.

Every time I see a baby or baby bump I’m reminded. It hurts. I want to be a mum so badly and sometimes I can’t believe I got rid of the thing I had loved so much for the 3 weeks I knew it was there. The abortion itself was painful in both ways. I don’t ever want to go through it again but if you’re reading this and you’re about to go through it too, it is nothing you can’t handle. I’m stronger now and I’ve matured so much in half a year.

I don’t regret it. I made the decision because I’m not ready. It’s my body, my future and my baby. I want to be the best parent I can. I don’t want my child to see me struggle. I want people saying “congratulations” not, “are you sure you want to do this” the next time I see a positive on that test.

I made the right decision for me. Life goes on. This isn’t the first mistake I make and one day I’ll tell my child this story. Because abortion isn’t a crazy and rare thing. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you a person that made a choice. I’m taking it one day at a time and allowing myself to feel whatever comes to me and I’m going to be okay.

Remember that our stories are ours to tell. We’d love to hear your story too!