I felt much more shame for getting into this position again.
I got pregnant my senior year of high school. It was shortly after I had been accepted to the college of my choice with an academic scholarship. My Mom had also gotten pregnant her senior year of high school with my older sister. She could have gotten a back alley abortion but the thought of it freaked her out and she decided not to go to college. Raising my older sister and marrying my sister’s father put my Mom on a difficult path and I didn’t want to go through her struggle. My Mom took me to a planned parenthood clinic for my abortion. We were escorted through a pro life protest line. I was so relieved to get my life back. I went on the birth control pill and went on to complete my degree and get a Master’s.
After working for a couple of years I decided I wanted to go back for a Ph.D. I ripped my life apart, left a long term boyfriend, and moved back to grad school. I didn’t have health care and stopped taking the pill. I had a one night stand with a guy who said he was wearing a condom but took it off during foreplay. Unfortunately I got pregnant that night. I got the Plan B pill but it didn’t work. This time it was a much harder choice. I desperately wanted to settle down and have a family, but I had just started my Ph.D. program and I was very passionate about my field of study as well. I felt much more shame for getting into this position again. The care givers at planned parenthood were very kind. They gave me the medication that induces an early miscarriage. I went on to finish my Ph.D.
Once I got married and we decided to start a family we weren’t able to get pregnant for years. We decided to try in vitro fertilization. I was getting older and didn’t want to risk having children late in life. Ironically my Mom also did in vitro during her third marriage, in the early days when the procedure wasn’t as simple or successful. She had her tubes tied after my little brother was born, but her third husband really wanted to have a child. It didn’t work despite the fact that they tried three times. We got lucky and succeeded on the first attempt. We have two beautiful children now and I’m so grateful we’ve been able to give them the life they know. Someday I will tell them how hard it was for my sister and my Mom. I’m so grateful I had better options, and the ability to take advantage of them.
