Today would have been my due date. I went to planned parenthood to get an IUD and when the doctor came back in and told me I was pregnant the world went underwater. I fell into a ball on the floor as my partner held me. I called my mom and made the decision five minutes later. I am a seasonal worker and my partner is in the restaurant industry. We can barely sustain ourselves. I did this for my family and right now my family is just me and him. The day after was some of the worst physical pain I had ever felt, but by far the most painful part was lying on my bed, bawling my eyes out, and shoving pills up my hooha. It is so bizarre mourning something that never existed.
I find myself torn today. I don’t regret what I did, in fact I am thankful; although I do mourn and yearn for a child that never was. I don’t know if this will help anyone else but it helped me to get everything out that has been stuck in my head for the past 7 months.
