This wasn’t supposed to happen

by Anonymous

May 3, 2021

I cried when I saw the result. “This wasn’t supposed to happen” was the only thought I had. I was diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome in 8th grade and had been on the pill since then.

Since the summer, even while taking the pill consistently, my period became very sporadic, missing 2 months or more at a time. So I didn’t notice the other symptoms until I first threw up on the way to work while in the car, I just thought it was nerves about going back to work after winter break. The next day it happened again and by now I was having some other symptoms. So I decided to take a test.

I dreaded telling my partner. I debated getting one by myself and not telling him. We had talked about having kids, I always wanted them and he did as well. He is also older than me, I’m 26 and he’s 32. I called my friend who had an abortion years ago for guidance. After talking about it I decided I had to tell him.

All in all he supported my decision, though I know it pained him. It just wasn’t good timing. We were looking at buying a house together, we both work demanding jobs, and I just didn’t feel as though I could give the child a good life.

I ended up going with the medical abortion. I cried in the car as soon as I got there, even after reading stories from here and other sources and knowing this was what I wanted, it just not an experience I could prepare for. It took weeks for me to be able to look in the mirror again.

Thankfully I had gotten advice early on to let myself grieve and feel any emotions I needed to as it was natural. And for as long as needed to. This kept me sane in the following weeks and allowed me to process, eventually writing poetry and a letter to it.

Remember that our stories are ours to tell. We’d love to hear your story too!