This Has Been Such a Powerful Experience for Me

I’m going through the process of deciding if I wanted an abortion or not. Just to tell you the ending of the story, I already made the appointment.

I’m getting the abortion pill, I am seven weeks in. I relate to a story I saw in one of your posts. I’m 33 years old and I’ve been with my boyfriend for three months. I felt like I was in love – my whole life I said I would never get an abortion. I told this to him as well. When I found out I was pregnant, I wanted to be excited, I really did feel like this might be my last chance to have a kid. But I never really wanted kids growing up. So it just felt like I was lying to myself by being excited, but I showed excitement and I told him I was excited. He was excited too, or wanted to be. I mean we’ve only known each other for four months and been together for three. It’s hard to know a person in the short amount of time.

Reality hit me…I don’t want to be with this person for the rest of my life. I am not ready to raise a kid and I don’t want to. And the only reason I said I would never get an abortion is because of the shame that men have put on women into trying to control what we do with our bodies. When I told him I was considering an abortion because I felt like I wasn’t ready, he immediately called me a murderer and a baby killer. That just confirmed that this is not the person for me and it made the decision so much easier. After realizing he couldn’t manipulate me with shame and guilt, he proceeded to victimize himself and say how hard this was for him and how horrible he felt because of me, and I ended up comforting him. This is a strong display of my internalized misogyny and how my whole life, a big part of me has been catered to try and not make the male uncomfortable.

I feel like this has been such a powerful experience for me. I feel empowered and like I’m taking control of my body back. I am taking control of my life finally and for the first time, even if the majority of society is against me, deep down I know what is right for me, and I’m not going to let anybody shame me or tell me otherwise. I own my truth and I love myself. This is the ultimate self care act. I love me and am so proud of me for taking this step.