They asked if I wanted to see the ultrasound…I laughed…

My partner and I were living together for a few years at the time. I had always been terrified of unexpectedly getting pregnant, and then my birth control failed. We both knew we were not ready, there was no debate or question in my mind that an abortion was the answer – but he was onboard to support either decision. That night we binged McDonalds & a bottle of wine, made the appointment  & I cried and cried because I was scared that it would hurt. When I went to the appointment they gave me the day one  pills and instructions for day two after an ultrasound. The ultrasound tech asked if I wanted to see the ultrasound & be informed if there were multiples. I laughed. I looked this woman dead in face, laughed, and said “oh god, no thanks.” It made the moment light hearted but part of me knew I was afraid if I saw it I might have regrets or change my mind, which I knew and still know would have not been the best choice for us, or any future child. The abortion was essentially painless. I’ve had periods that were worse. I don’t have a single regret and have never been shy about my decision. It’s been three years, I’m thirty. I’m still not ready.