I was raised in a strictly conservative and religious household. I grew up being taught that abortions are killing babies; throwing them in the trash and I hated anyone that has ever had one. I had a picture in my head of a full-grown, 9-month-old baby in the garbage and it made me sick. I sneered at girls in high school that I had heard had them and actually said mean things to them out loud in front of everyone. I feel so stupid and small minded for that now. As I grew up, my beliefs changed to realizing that for a lot of people it is necessary. I still don’t think girls should make a habit of it, but if it’s what they have to do to stay healthy, then they should do it. My sister keeps having kids with different dads and won’t even think about abortion – she is living on nothing and can barely take care of her kids. They shouldn’t have to go through that.
My story starts when I met my boyfriend in May of 2015. We fell in love quickly, and deeply. However, he started doing drugs again around the time I found out I was pregnant with his child. I knew I couldn’t bring a baby into a house where there was always fighting and bickering. I knew I wanted to be with him, but that it wasn’t the right time to have a kid. Plus, my own two children were trying to live with me after their dad took them when we split. How would they feel if I had a baby that got to stay and they didn’t? They would be heartbroken. It took me a long time to make this decision; I wanted the baby more than anything, but I knew it wouldn’t be fair. I did it in February of 2017 and I know I made the right decision. I didn’t feel very upset and I don’t think I have any underlying mental issues that are related to it. That in itself made me feel guilty at first, but now I wonder if the reason I don’t feel ashamed is that it was something that I will try to never do again if I can help it; and I know I saved a child from living a potentially bad life.
