I was 23 or 24. Many years ago, I met a young man named Don. He and his mother were visiting my cousins in St. Paul. They came there from Arizona where they lived. They all came up to the Lake and we spent the day water skiing and picnicking. There are a lot of details I’ve forgotten, but we ended up spending some time together in St. Paul where I lived with a friend. He wanted to fly to St. Paul again so we could spend more time together. He was at our apartment one day when I came home from work. That’s when I got pregnant.
Of course, I didn’t know that at first, but I did figure it out after a time. I was unable to communicate with him. I called but couldn’t reach him. He called eventually after the abortion. I told him what had happened. I never saw him again. I did some research on my options. I was working and had health insurance. I read about maternity benefits and the primary benefits were only available to married men. Married women got secondary benefits, and unmarried women got none.
So, I was faced with all the medical bills and most likely the cost of raising a child. I had a job, but could barely even support myself. I could, of course, have the baby and put the child up for adoption, but I would lose my job. I made an appointment with Planned Parenthood, and they tested and confirmed the pregnancy. At that point in time, they removed my IUD. Obviously, I was part of the small percentage of women who got pregnant even with an IUD. They explained that the IUD had probably severely injured the baby and that I really should abort it even though that was my plan. I came in later for the abortion. I found out later that the father of my baby had died.
At that time, single women are harshly judged if they have babies. They were also judged harshly if they had an abortion or even got pregnant. I haven’t written about my experience before. I think it’s important to do given the political environment we are in. Judgment about women who want or have had an abortion is harsh even without knowing the whole story.
I heard many years later that someone I trusted told my parents about the abortion. They never spoke about it, but I found it painful that my trust was misplaced.
I’m not sorry I had the abortion. I’m only sorry I had to make that decision. I’m so glad it happened during a time when I had that choice. I feel so badly for those women who don’t have that choice.
