I had an abortion last summer. I found out I was pregnant 3 days after ending my relationship. I have always been very pro abortion and always told myself that if I ever became pregnant and the timing wasn’t right, that I would have an abortion, no big deal. I found out at 5 weeks, and my abortion appointment was at 8.5 weeks. I told no one, apart from my mum, and she was so supportive in flying out from my home country to be with me for a week through the medical abortion process – from just the pain alone I couldn’t have done it without her help!
However, it was after the abortion when I really suffered, mentally. I have been feeling the need to share my story for a while now, because I feel my experience post-abortion is not well represented in the pro-abortion writings, there seems to be an emphasis on how people feel relief after their abortion and/or how easy it was to move on after the abortion. My experience was very different and I was not prepared for it. After the abortion I felt so devastated, I felt heartbroken in every cell of my body. I felt so empty and ached for the baby which I no longer had. I could not look at mothers and babies without welling up with sadness. I felt like now that I was no longer growing my baby inside of me, that my purpose for living was gone. I eventually sought counseling, and although they told me that all I could do was give it time to heal, it really helped to hear them describe what I was going through as grief. I was grieving the loss of my baby. Before that point, I thought I had no right to grieve, since it was my decision, & since I only knew about the baby for 3 weeks, surely I couldn’t have grown enough of an attachment to validate grieving. Now 10 months post-abortion I do feel stronger, but the sadness still sneaks up on me sometimes. I think it always will. I want to share my story because sometimes, even though abortion is the right option, it can still be devastating. And to anyone else that is in emotional pain after their abortion, please know you have the right to grieve your loss.
