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The Only Way

by Stephanie G.

June 4, 2019

Content Warning: suicidal & self-harming thoughts

Getting my abortion was one of the hardest, but most necessary decisions, I have ever had to make in my life. When I was in college, I was very, very depressed and suffered from anxiety. I often acted out out through drinking, sex, or generally not really caring for myself. I had a lot of issues with intimacy and with my relationships. I was isolated and always distraught. Therefore, when I got pregnant, I knew for a fact that I could not carry this child to term and be responsible for the rearing of a little life. But, I still did research at the library about adoption—I wanted to look at all of my options.

When I finally had the guts to call my parents and tell them what happened, they were both incredibly upset with me. They told me flat out that they did not want to help me raise a child, that my career and school would be ruined. I was shocked. I felt lost and alone. I felt that I had no other choice but to get an abortion. The guy who had gotten me pregnant did not respond to me, and did not offer any emotional or financial support. I knew that I was on the verge of hurting myself if I did not get help. I called a hotline that helped me partially find and fund my procedure. It was relatively easy, and I was grateful. I scheduled an appointment. It was very early on in my pregnancy, so I had to wait three weeks.

On the day, I went to the private doctor’s office with my Mom. I had barely any money, so she had to help me. I was terrified. But I felt taken care of, finally. I know that I would not have been strong enough to carry the baby full-term to give it up for adoption; I was on the verge of suicide and self-harm.

Making that choice saved my life.

I have a daughter now. I am in a supportive, loving relationship, and have healthcare and I go to therapy. I have the means to be a mother. I am a parent on my terms, when I was ready.

If I would have had to go through with the pregnancy, I am pretty certain I would have been pushed to suicide. It is scary to think about not having safe abortion as an option.

 

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