I wasn’t supposed to be able to get pregnant. I had surgery for endometriosis and my surgeon confirmed my tubes were blocked and my uterus wasn’t great. My plan was either IVF or adoption when I was ready.
After a tumultuous breakup and an abrupt end at my dream job I found comfort with a friend who was going through similar life events. It wasn’t forever and we went our separate ways. A few weeks later I found out I was very surprisingly pregnant despite having had a regular period and the aforementioned infertility issues. I knew this pregnancy wasn’t going to go well because of that.
I chose to have an abortion because my life was up in the air. I wasn’t emotionally or financially prepared to raise a baby. It was supposed to be planned with someone I loved, not a fling that I’d never see again. I was supposed to be able to prepare mentally for the trials it would take. I chose to have an abortion because the chances of miscarriage were extremely high for me and I knew that kind of pain would be heart wrenching.
I was on my way to another state for a job contract at the time, so I had the abortion away from home and away from my support system. I was simultaneously heartbroken at saying “no” to something I was told may never happen naturally and relieved that I wouldn’t have to struggle the way my mother did.
In a way I did it for her, too. My mom worked endlessly to make sure my siblings and I never had to choose to pay for bills over groceries so the lights would stay on. She didn’t want us to fall into the same circumstance and not be able to make the choice that we wanted.
I chose the life she helped me build for myself.
