If I hadn’t had the ability to choose, I would currently have a 2 1/2 year old with an abusive father. We were living together and although it was definitely not the right time, I had always wanted to be a mom. Part of me wanted to have the baby, part of me didn’t trust my partner. He wanted me to drop out of school (I was only two semesters away from my Ivy League degree!) because he was very old fashioned, but didn’t make nearly enough money to support us or have any plan. We talked about it for a week, then one night an argument escalated to him punching a hole through a wall. I realized he was not fit to be a father, and made the call to abort the clump of cells in me. He was fucking horrible to me my whole recovery, and told me I was hideous and “not what he signed up for” for gaining 15 lbs during the period of depression that happened after my recovery.

Every time I think about it, I start to cry imaging how UNKIND it would have been to our child to bring them into such a terrible family dynamic. My child would be so unhappy and would have so much trauma! The kindest thing I could have done is to not force them to experience that. It took me six months to find the courage, but I finally left his ass. Amazingly, the universe opened SO many doors for me instantly as soon as I left, and now I have my degree, an amazing job, and I’m living in my dream city with the most incredible, kind, and supportive boyfriend ever. We can’t wait to have a family together in a few years on our terms. None of that would have been possible if I hadn’t made that very important choice. It sucked while it was happening but it was 110% the right decision and how dare anyone tell me I’m a bad person for making it. Whether someone is in an abusive relationship or just simply knows that having a child is not right for them at the moment, they should be able to make that choice for themself.

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