I never expected to be pregnant.

I had a copper iud. My partner (who was trans and on hormones) told me they were infertile. They left me for someone else and ghosted me, never responding when I reached out about the pregnancy.

I moved from one coast to another. Shortly after moving, I had a surgical abortion at 15w2d. It was in a rural area and had been delayed twice due to short staffing. But it happened! I was so relieved. It was not as uncomfortable as I expected. A few days later I flew back to my former home to pick up my car and my cats to drive the 6000+km to my new home. I saw my ex on the street just before leaving. I was furious. I was in pain. Driving 12 hours a day, with the cramps becoming also unbearable, was challenging. I am Canadian. On my 3rd day of driving, a week after the abortion, I entered the US part of my drive. It was shorter and gas was much cheaper. I was only going to be there for less than a day total. I was so tired when I got to the motel. I realized I was bleeding quite heavily. It didn’t stop. I went through 21 pads overnight, and soaked through the towel I was sleeping on. I was in a country that hates people with uteruses, alone (albeit with two cats who hate traveling), 3000km away from either of my homes. I was hemmoraging. It’s the only time I’ve ever experienced the feeling of *hot*blood gushing from me, so dissimilar to a period. Going through pads faster than I could change them. I had to drive 5 hours to the nearest Canadian hospital to receive the car I needed. I didn’t know if I was going to make it. I’ve never bled that much in my life. I was so angry at my ex and so scared. It was surreal.

They gave me a shot to stop the bleeding and scheduled me for another surgical procedure the next day (d&c), as it turned out I had retained products of conception, which is quite uncommon after a surgical abortion. It was painful. It was traumatizing. I still think of it often. The rest of the drive was very tender. But I made it home.

I never felt guilty. Just scared and emotional. I wanted that dream with them and it hurt that that couldn’t happen. I am vengeful, but not enough to keep a pregnancy out of spite.

I bled for 6 weeks after the second procedure. It was a blessing when I realized I had finally gotten a recognizable period, 2.5 months after the abortion.