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A story that i wouldnt think would be mine

by clara

July 21, 2017

I was 20 years old living in Orlando with my roommate, when I had a lot of unsafe sex with my at the time boyfriend that I was only with for a few months, after many times I took plan B, but I soon found out it’s not always effective. we had unprotected sex june 10th when I took plan b the next day. 2 weeks later I felt like something wasn’t right and told him, I took a pregnancy test alone (1 week before my period would be expected) and it came back positive. seeing those 2 lines on that little white stick made my stomach drop and I hopped in my car and rushed to Walmart and bought 3 more tests… all came back positive yet again. my first thought was abortion, even though I grew up Christian and I could never imagine I would be in this position. my boyfriend at the time lived 3 hours away so he didn’t know I took the test. so I texted him and told him I got my period and I wasn’t pregnant. the next few days consisted of searching for abortion clinics, free help pregnancy counseling and more (around the time I broke up with my boyfriend because I was scared of him finding out).  finally I made an appointment to go about a week after finding out.

jump start to me showing up to the abortion place, there was protesters outside screaming at me “you’re making the wrong choice, we can help, you can get government help” etc. this made me think but I was already set on my decision. I waited 6 hours in the clinic to be seen; with this time I pondered if I should tell my best friend, my parents, or even if the father of my baby should know, ultimately to this day I haven’t told a SOUL about my abortion.  the time I got back to see the doctor he was real fast he told me to swallow a few pills than he inserted a few pills up my vagina, he than told me to put these nasty powdered pills in my lip for 30 min to dissolve and to swallow the remainder of the paste after that. gave me a prescription of percoset, 6 more powered pills that I was supposed to dissolve the next few hours, made me put on a maxi pad and sent me on my way. [about 5:30pm] I slowly walked to my car trying to soak up what I had just did, how easy and painless that part was.

as I drove my 15 min commute back the pills in my mouth started getting really pasty and starting to make me nauseous. it took me everything in my power not to puke from the pastey slush and nausea it caused. I finally got home hide my brown little paper bag full of my abortion pills, condoms, maxi pads, and pamphlets they supplied me with and went straight to my room locking myself in so my roommate/bestfriend wouldn’t bother me (her having no idea about what was happening) and ate some pretzels feeling okay. I threw up about 40 min after (freaking out the pill paste wouldn’t work) few hours later I took a nap and took the remaining pills as directed. it was probably about 9pm I started to get intense back cramps, a fever and bleeding, along with severe nausea. I was in and out of sleep with the pain when about 11pm I couldn’t handle the cramping that I sat in the shower in fetal position as the hot water rained over my back. I got out to have severe diarrhea and nausea at the same time, here I was, a hot mess, on the toilet with my trash can to my face thinking I was dying! as the night proceeded I slept on my bathroom floor with tons of pillows waking up to puke, and pass right back out from the terrible cramping. I was passing blood clots as well and a few times I got back in the shower through out the night .

about 3:30am the cramps were getting more an more intense, so I lined my bath tub with pillows, laid inside and just passed out (I don’t know why but the bathtub felt comfortable and eased the pain propped up, with my knees bent); about 30 minutes into my sleep I got a severe wave of pain ripped off my pants and underwear and had a urge to push, I tried forever but nothing but blood gushed out, I laid there regretting work that was just 5 hours away  balling my eyes out in pain, aggravation, hatred in my self to be in this situation, and solitude , that I didn’t have the balls to tell anyone so I was alone in this whole thing. at that moment I felt something cold and gushy “sliding” out and it was the biggest blood clot I ever seen. I was afraid to pick it up so I slide it into a empty pill bottle to discard it (I think it was the fetus) the cramps eased a lot after that, went to bed and woke up the next day to work, the next few weeks consisted of “severe to mild period cramps” bleeding stopped after almost 2 weeks.

I haven’t told ANYBODY about my pregnancy and abortion, I feel like after a year it still affects me because I haven’t told anyone so I’m writing my story to “vent”. I sometimes wonder what it would be like if I kept it, my baby would had been 3 months old now. Although, in my heart I know I made the right choice, even though I think about my unborn child nearly everyday.

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