Still Grieving

by Lainey

April 12, 2017

My boyfriend and I started dating November of 2014. About a month into our relationship, we had experienced so much, and we were so infatuated with one another. He even said he loved me. But something was wrong with me. I had missed my period, and I had never missed it before. I was concerned, and I needed to know, so on Christmas eve, I took a home pregnancy test. After it came back positive, I wept. Never in my life, did I expect to have to make this choice. I didn’t really have much of an opinion about abortion, until I had to make the decision to have one. My boyfriend knew it was the right choice as well. I was still in college, he had just graduated, and we were only together for a month. I needed someone else to console in. So I talked to one of his best girl friends about it. She insisted that I should have the baby, and that there are better options than abortion. After I told her I didn’t want to go through with a pregnancy, and I felt awful about it, she told the entire town about it. She spread my name all over their town, and made me out to be a monster. I was the baby killer. As if the idea of having to get an abortion wasn’t already tearing me apart, but now everyone knew. People hated me for being pregnant and getting an abortion, but not him for getting me pregnant and agreeing and abortion was the best option. I grew up Catholic, but my beliefs were being tested. I felt awful during the 8 weeks I was pregnant. I had morning sickness, and it felt like my skin was crawling the entire time. I couldn’t even cuddle in bed with my boyfriend because whenever he touched me, I felt irritated. The night before the procedure, he got us a hotel room, and rented movies for us to watch together, so he could try and take my mind off the entire day that was to come. To this day, I appreciate him for all he did and put up with. I was upset that he couldn’t be with me during the procedure. I felt alone and scared the whole time. It hurt. Physically and mentally. Afterwards, we both cried, and grieved over it. We knew it was the right thing to do, but it was still mentally exhausting, and not something either of us expected to have to deal with so early on in our relationship. Still to this day, almost 3 years later, my boyfriend and I are a still together. We still grieve over it, on the day it happened, or on the day the baby would’ve been born. To think, I could have an almost 2 year old astounds me sometimes, but I wouldn’t be where I am now if I did. I’m graduating college next year with my Bachelor’s. We have moved in together, and have a cat and a dog. We even talk about marriage from time to time. I know I want to have his babies one day, but back then wasn’t the right time. This isn’t a typical “woman feeling empowered because she got an abortion with no regrets” story. No. This is the emotional side of an abortion story most people don’t hear about.

Remember that our stories are ours to tell. We’d love to hear your story too!