Sharing my story

by Danni

September 5, 2019

Content Warning: regret

I am 29 and have had 3 abortions and currently have a two year old. Who, if it wasn’t for those abortions, I wouldn’t have him and he is simply amazing! But I wonder, would my three other babies be just as amazing? How would our lives be? Would I be happy? Well, those questions are difficult to answer but I’m happy to share my story!

My first abortion, I’m not 100% sure who the father was – it was between 2 guys (sounds terrible but whatever) and one had this hs sweetheart of a gf and I was his “were on a break” fling and the other guy, was my first kiss at like 16. I knew I was pregnant because of horrible morning sickness that wasn’t a long lasting flu.. This abortion was honestly the easiest choice and I knew it was right. I didn’t want to bring a child into this world that wouldn’t get all of my love, I didn’t think I was capable of love at this time in my life, hence the choices that led me here. I named this “baby” but felt like that was my only way to really get over it.

My 2nd and 3rd abortions were with my current bf and father of our son. I do regret them both. I was older and felt as though I was sort of talked into them. The first, I was somewhat in shock, I could I have let this happen to myself again? No one should have to have more than one abortion, let alone 3! I felt disgusting and that if I ever had to date someone else, it’d be my best kept secret. It was a sad day, I just felt empty afterwards and he and I never talked about it, but I had to deal with it alone. The hard part came when we just made stupid mistakes and I because pregnant again, not even 6 months later. I wanted to keep this baby, even though our relationship was horrible at the time. I, to this day, don’t think he comprehends how much these abortions have affected my life. I know I could’ve made the choice to not go through with it, but I chose my relationship. I took the pill. I also “aborted” the fetus while alone in his apartment and he was at work. I cried for days and occasionally still cry when I think about it. This was the most difficult one and the choice I didn’t want to make. Although our lives would be different and we wouldn’t have our little guy now, I do resent my bf at times for making me go through these things somewhat alone – as I also didn’t have friends or family to support me in the decision.

There are days I wish I could go back and change, but I know now they were the right choices for me. I know my story is all over the place, but I just wanted to be able to share! I hope women of the future don’t feel the stigma surrounding abortions and I wish to support women in their decisions (even if I can’t be there with them)

Remember that our stories are ours to tell. We’d love to hear your story too!