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Second chance

by Anonymous

September 18, 2020

Birth control meds was not an option. I was always told the terrible things it did to your body and was scared of using it so my boyfriend and I ALWAYS used condoms. This worked for over two years. One day I started feeling sick almost all the time, gaining weight and having insane mood swings. I took a pregnancy test and it said negative and I was so relieved, thinking about how much my life would change and be more complicated. I am 20 years old, I don’t have support from my family and I don’t get along well with his family … and yes I want kids but right now I’m not even in school, didn’t have a good job or anything going for myself really…

The dad did not want and was not ready for a child financially or mentally. We didn’t even have our own place or any foundation …  there was so much relief when the test was negative … A month later I started getting sick more often and I just had this weird feeling like I knew so I took the other pregnancy test from the box and had a panic attack when it said positive. *you never really think it’s going to till it does*

I wasn’t ready, we weren’t ready … my boyfriend gave me the option whatever I wanted to do he would support.  I decided as hard of a decision it was that it would be in my best interest to get an abortion. It was externally hard, but I was very thankful I was able to have this as an option. I remember being so nervous and sad but everyone there had an extremely comforting persona. I left the clinic and was to embarrassed to tell anyone. I kept it in, I was depressed, I was taking birth control daily and kept my mouth shut about everything. All of the feelings I had I pretended they weren’t there. I go on Facebook and see people posting about how abortions are terrible and putting such strong words towards people who were given that second chance. Social media made me feel like I was a terrible person, like I was less of a woman because I made that decision. I ended up opening up to my closest friends and they have all had abortions. I was shocked. Almost every single woman I knew and loved had an abortion at some point in their life. At first I cried so much. The love that went around, the comfort I hadn’t yet felt – I wasn’t as alone anymore! WE NEED TO SPEAK UP SO OTHER WOMEN DON’T FEEL THE WAY I DID! WE ARE NOT ALONE!

Update: I am now focusing on school and saving money. If this ever happens again I want to be ready, I want to create a foundation, I want to be ready mentally physically and emotionally. That is my right as a woman!

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