Same mistake twice

by Anonymous

June 12, 2019

So, I was young (early 20s) and thought I was in love. I was also addicted to meth. I was inconsistent with my birth control pills. I got pregnant with this man who I thought for sure I was going to marry. We were dating and living together, he had a good government job and had no idea I was a drug addict. He wasn’t ready, I wasn’t ready. I was in denial. I wanted to keep it, he did not. I tried to order the abortion pill online. And basically got Plan B sent from Israel, which, not surprisingly, was ineffective. I did not stop doing meth. I made an appointment with Planned Parenthood. I wasn’t honest about my drug use, but they were incredibly supportive, understanding and helpful. I did a medical abortion. Told my boyfriend, but no one else knew. I was very ashamed. The medical abortion was incredibly painful, but I felt like I deserved the agony.


About two years later, I was in a different relationship with another “love of my life”. I was still addicted to meth. This guy knew about my drug use. We used together. It was basically all we did. I was careless again and got pregnant again. This time I had implantation bleeding that I mistook for a short period, so I didn’t even know I was pregnant until I was about 10 weeks along. He wanted to keep it, I did not. I didn’t stop doing meth. I went to Planned Parenthood and they were completely wonderful again. I had a surgical abortion and opted for the anesthesia not to remember the procedure. I also had an IUD put in. I didn’t like the IUD and soon replaced it with Nexplanon, which was perfect for me.


I wasn’t in a good place. I wasn’t in any condition to raise or care for a child. Those men were physically and emotionally abusive. I can’t imagine what kind of parents they would be, or how my life would look if I were still connected with them. Now, years later, I’m sober and married to a loving and compassionate man. We have a toddler and are planning on having another child soon.


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