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Proud of Myself

by SS

February 9, 2021

I was 25 and abortion was a difficult choice for me. I had no previous children, and I had the resources available to have a child. My significant other and I who had been together for years had many emotional conversations. Here is what made me decide to abort my pregnancy, I was not ready to bring a child into this world. I had amazing parents growing up and saw friends of mine who struggled from poverty and/or poor parenting. I already loved my potential child so much that I made myself extremely upset calculating the life I was able to provide. I wanted to do better for MYSELF and my child. I barely knew myself, I had no motivation and no drive and I was at a point in my life where change needed to happen, but a child was not the change I needed. My partner was fully supportive of either decision.

I had an abortion and it was a solemn and serious experience, and so I speak of it with the severity of what it is. It hurt me. I felt guilt at first. I took something away from myself and with reflection in the following weeks, I decided the experience would not be in vain. I absolutely would not allow my loss to be in vain. I decided that I was going to immediately write out my goals, pull myself out of the slump from before pregnancy, and get to work on making the changes necessary to feel confident as a future mother. I had an abortion in March 2019, enrolled in school Fall 2019 and I will be receiving my Associates Degree this Summer in 2021. My partner and I worked harder towards our goal, he worked over time on weekends and saved enough to pay off our house and we are going to thru-hike the Appalachian Trail next year in 2022.  The Appalachian Trail is a dream we always treated as unattainable but having this experience pushed me to have no doubt in myself and work hard to accomplish the feat. It’s in our grasp and we decided it is our last BIG goal before we focus on building the family that we very much want.

My abortion changed my life and  I wanted to make sure it was for the better. Everyone’s feelings post procedure are different, and that is ok. You do not have to share any of my feelings. I look back on my experience with abortion and I am so thankful this option was there for me. My abortion is still motivating me to make more changes, and it will continue to motivate me. I was given a new life of opportunity, and a new perspective. I know someday when I’m with my beautiful family I will reflect on this and be thankful for the seed and the decision that changed my life. Thank you for listening, and I encourage you, if you’ve already had an abortion and feel any way like me, step up your game. Find yourself, invest in yourself, love yourself. Take control of your life. If you haven’t decided, don’t let my experience make any decisions for you, your life is in your hands. I want to stress that this was a very personal decision and for anyone who wishes to have a child but fears their financial ability to care for a child, there are so many resources for you if you wish to have it. 

Remember that our stories are ours to tell. We’d love to hear your story too!