The first time I was 23. I had only been with my wonderful partner for 2 months. The relationship was going amazingly well (still is) but it was just so new. Neither of us were in a good place financially, and I was fresh out of an abusive relationship, which took a toll on my mental, physical, and financial health. We weren’t ready, and that’s okay. I talked about it with him, and he told me he supported me no matter what my decision was. I love him for the utterly judgement-free support he gave me. I had a medical abortion at 6 weeks 5 days. It hurt, physically and emotionally, but I have never regretted it. We made the right decision for us, and our relationship became stronger for it.
Fast forward to today. This time it’s harder. Emotionally I’m more conflicted. Not because I feel any desire to have children right now, but because in the eyes of society, especially where we live in Salt Lake City, we are “ready” to have kids. I’m 25 now, still in an amazing relationship with the same man. We are planning on getting married, we have a nice place, stable jobs and make decent money as a household.
In reality, we have student loan debt. We are just beginning to pursue our life goals of marriage, world travel, and having enough money saved to pay off some debt and have adventures. We have talked about having children in the future. We know we want them, just NOT YET.
Here’s the thing. My best friend has a one year old. Several months ago they made the difficult decision to move into her mother-in-law’s basement because they couldn’t financially support themselves and their child. They hate living there. They almost had their debt paid off. They decided to have another, and now there’s seemingly no end in site to their situation. I live in perpetual terror of ending up like them. A distinct possibility if we choose to have a child right now, before we’re financially ready.
I haven’t even missed my period yet, but I know. I talked to my partner yesterday. We both agree that now is just not the right time. Someday, but definitely not now. I hate that I have to make this decision again, but for us, it’s the right one.
