I aborted my first and only pregnancy when I was a month shy of turning 38. I conceived during the time the Covid-19 epidemic was ravaging my city, New York City. At the time, I was extremely depressed about being in a financial mess, which led me to stay with a partner who wasn’t treating me with the respect I deserved.
Despite my mature age, I frequently had sex with him as a salve to my depressed and incoherent mood, allowing him to use withdrawal as our only method of birth control. I didn’t properly weigh the risk; particularly with respect to not insisting that he at least urinate between ejaculations.
When I missed my period, I was convinced I might be starting early menopause. I purchased a pregnancy test just to be sure. When I saw the two lines forming before my eyes indicating a positive test, I gazed upon them with a plan immediately forming in my mind to end the pregnancy.
I had the vacuum aspiration procedure done at PP. I was 5 weeks and 6 days pregnant. I felt both ashamed at the fact that I had gotten into such a situation; especially this late in the game, but also relieved that I had made the right decision for myself.
I still think of the pregnancy, but don’t regret the abortion. I never wanted to be a mother, and it would have been downright unfair to the child to be brought into the world; particularly in such dire circumstances.
