I didn’t want to be in the position I was in.

by Anonymous

April 13, 2018

I didn’t want to be in the position I was in.


I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis young.  I’d just started both a new job and new treatment regimen — methotrexate.  And I’d just ended a relationship.  I got drunk at an ex’s house.  Because we were exes, I’d brought a condom but because I wasn’t having sex regularly anymore I wasn’t on the Pill.


He didn’t drink, didn’t ask about necessity of condom use, and embarrassingly for him *couldn’t* stop the act as it’d been a long time for him and my immediate “Not without a condom!” on realizing he was entering vs just teasing… scared it out of him, I guess.  He certainly tried to stop and felt like an ass for not asking about birth control, so I give him credit there.  And anonymity.


I called my doctor and requested the morning after pill, and was crying furiously, angry with myself for not thinking about saying something myself before I drank, because I’d only started the med regimen for my RA, that were working well, because I wasn’t in a relationship.  But the MAP wasn’t effective, so I think people who call it abortion are out of their minds.  If it can stop ovulation in time, it works.  But if you’ve already ovulated, it obviously isn’t a bar to implantation. As the test stick was positive when my regular period didn’t arrive.


I told the guy, crying again.  He asked me what I wanted, and I explained I felt like I had no choice.  The meds I was on mess with all cells that reproduce quickly.  I knew it was Category X.  And it might have already caused damage even if I stopped.  The medication itself, combined with prostaglandins, was known to be an effective abortion method and everything said an embryo exposed to it would suffer horrible effects.  I couldn’t let that happen, and if it had to be done, I wanted it done quickly.  I knew the date of intercourse so I searched for the earliest I could come in for aspiration abortion, and scheduled my appointment for that day.


I called several offices and the one I chose was next door to a hospital, in a medical tower complex.  It’s since closed as that doctor retired and few doctors will engage in that practice here.  Now the only facility that performs aspiration abortion in our state is instead next to a crisis pregnancy center with at least a few protesters out.  But I was spared that.


He was British, I remember, with kind blue eyes.  He examined me to confirm the pregnancy and dates, examined my medical history, said “I can see why you’ve made this decision, but I ask all my patients this, especially those who come in so early.  Are you sure you want to do this today?  It is entirely up to you but you do still have time.”  I just said “I’m sure”, and he called in the nurse who had my knockout shot in hand.


When I woke up I was given an antibiotic and a prescription for pain medication and birth control, and told to come back in a week.  The next appointment he examined me and confirmed all was well.  When a friend was in need, I referred her to him. She described a very similar experience, except he apparently didn’t say he could see why she was in his office but did ask if she needed more time to think or if she was ready that day.


No one should have to deal with waiting periods, only one provider, protesters, fake clinics, poor treatment in the clinic, or judgment.  Thid doctor did ask if I we were certain, but we both knew we had a month or more before he’d have to use a different procedure.  I didn’t take it as pressure not to abort, but gaining informed consent.


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