Permission to Grieve

by Anonymous

July 6, 2020

The decision to have an abortion was the hardest thing I have ever done. At 24, I felt that I was responsible and old enough to have a baby. I was actually excited and genuinely wanted to have it with all my heart. However the man was begging me to abort and told me he “didn’t want me to have his baby”. It crushed me to think about bringing a half loved child into the world even though I knew I would love it with all my heart. I ended up taking the pill which failed and then I had to get the surgery. I was bleeding for 2 months and it went as wrong as it possibly could and then the man walked away. While it was soul crushing, it changed me in many positive ways. I am now very serious about my partners and sex and feel excited about the future knowing the next time I’m looking at a sonogram it won’t be alone but with someone who loves me. I know that my little baby is still with me and always will be as a soul and it knows how much I love him/her. I believe that it will come back to me and when I hold my baby for the first time I will think of the one I chose not to have in order to be an amazing mom later on in life. To anyone grieving, it gets better. Time heals. ❤️

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