My decision for an abortion started 4 months after my daughter was born; exactly a year after I had found out I was pregnant with her. Both pregnancies unplanned, both shocking. This pregnancy was even more shocking. My husband and I had: tracked my period, pulled out AND I took a morning after pill. I bled and bled after the morning after pill, so I had assumed it worked.
I was 5 weeks 5 days when I took the test. I immediately considered an abortion. It has been a difficult decision to go through with. We don’t have the reasons you read about on the internet. We can afford it, we are married, our family would be thrilled, and most of all…my husband is a member of the LDS Church. But not all people get abortions because they can not afford it, were raped, aren’t married… and their reasons are just as valid!
See, I’m a student in a pretty challenging program. We also have sole custody of my stepsons, and we are going through some challenging times with them. My pregnancies are awful… preeclampsia, heart problems, my mental state always takes a downward spiral.
I had just had my daughter, how was I going to make it through another? I ordered adoption profiles, read through 15 with my husband. It didn’t feel right. And not because we don’t believe in the magic of adoption, my husband is adopted, it just didn’t feel right for me. All of the above problems would still remain.
We considered parenting for a short time.. but still my pregnancy issues. We decided on abortion and cried for days. I searched the Internet on how to cope, what to expect. The same things I’m sure everyone searches for. One thing that has stuck with me is that it’s ok to be sad, people will tell you that you do not deserve to be. But sadness doesn’t mean regret. And no one can tell you how to feel about your choices. Onward I went.
I arrived at the clinic a cold Saturday morning and was immediately met by protesters.. all that you can do is ignore them. Went inside the clinic and was immediately greeted. The day went quickly. Counseling, ultrasound, doctor. I took a pill, to start the process and went home. The next day I dissolved the remaining tablets and started to bleed. The process was relatively quick, and for that I am thankful. At the end of the day, everyone just needs to remember that this is their decision. Someone may be angry, judgmental etc. This is your decision, you don’t have to justify it with anything other than I don’t want to parent a child. I am thankful I researched all of my options in depth. I think it helped me feel more solid about my decision.
