One Year Ago

by Anonymous

December 2, 2020

I just wanted to write something tonight. It marks one year ago tomorrow, Sunday after Thanksgiving.

I remember earlier in the week telling my boyfriend (we were in an open relationship) who was visiting from overseas that I was pregnant. He had just arrived for a two week stay with me in my new apartment in LA…we hadn’t seen each other in 6 months.

I took a pregnancy test the Monday he arrived, I was in the CVS bathroom with my friend (so grateful for her) in tears the entire car ride back home. I knew I had to tell my boyfriend that I was going to get an abortion…

Before doing that, I had to call my friend I had sex with to tell him I was pregnant and that I was going to have a medical abortion. He was supportive, and my boyfriend…wanted to be but just wasn’t fully present. I don’t blame him, I constantly replay this all and try to put myself in his shoes.

It’s been just about a year since I last talked to him. I wonder what it would have been like it I hadn’t said anything about the abortion.

That day was a wild time. I can remember getting to the office, going through the process, and during the ultrasound beginning to cry…the nurse paused and reminded me that it was my choice and I knew that I could not have a child, I was not in the position to bring a life into this world, even though my entire life I thought about what it would be like to get pregnant and have a child. I never thought this was something that I’d be going through.

I felt and still feel guilt, but am working at being kind to myself and understanding it was my choice and my body. And I’m grateful.

Remember that our stories are ours to tell. We’d love to hear your story too!