I recently had an in‑office abortion with IV sedation. Even though I knew it was the right choice for me, it didn’t come without pain, fear, guilt, or second-guessing. I’m sharing this anonymously so other women — maybe even you — don’t feel alone.
I didn’t make this decision carelessly. I thought about the baby, my future, my mental health, finances, and relationships. I cried, I doubted myself, I even felt like a terrible person at times. But deep down, I knew I was doing the best I could with what I had.
I still think about the baby sometimes. I feel a little sad. But I also feel okay — more than I expected. I thought guilt would consume me forever, but instead, I’ve found peace. Not because I don’t care — because I do.
One of the hardest parts wasn’t the procedure itself — it was the emotional weight. The fear of judgment. The pressure to feel a specific way. My partner’s reaction. I worried he’d hate me or blame me. But I had to return to this truth: only I know what it feels like to carry this decision. I needed to protect myself emotionally.
After the procedure, I rested. I spotted a bit, I ate, and I even smiled because I knew healing had begun. A couple of hours later, I smoked a little to calm myself — it helped. I didn’t feel broken, just like me with a bit more clarity and sadness.
If you’re reading this, feeling overwhelmed, unsure, or broken inside — please know this:
You are not alone. You are not wrong. You are not less of a woman.
You are worthy — with or without a pregnancy. With or without certainty. You deserve support, love, respect, and healing no matter what path you choose. You don’t need to justify your pain to deserve peace.
You are going to be okay. You already are.
