Not another kid in the system

by Priscilla

November 9, 2020

Content Warning: physical abuse

I had my first child when I was 18. When he was two months old he was taken from me and my parents got full custody.

I started dating an abusive man. It’s all I thought I deserved. I was on the patch and we would hit and shove each other when we argued. No one questioned my bruises because I was a tomboy.

One time in spring 2011 the patch failed me. A pregnancy test came back positive. I always wanted more kids so I told my boyfriend. He reminded me that he had left his own son years ago and my son was in the system. He said maybe we can have a child in five years but you need to get an abortion. I was still using speed so I knew he was right. We weren’t ready and I would lose my disability benefits. Here they consider you common law once you have a child together and I knew he would withhold money from me to get whatI needed. We made a deal, I keep the test but we do the abortion. He called the clinic in Montreal and we had an appointment.

The doctor did an ultrasound and said that I was 8 weeks so it was too late for the abortion pill. My boyfriend chose to come in the room with me to make sure I got it done. There was some pinching but that’s all. I went to the bathroom and passed the fetus. I laughed because I was so relieved and I flushed the toilet. My boyfriend took me home.

I had painful cramps for a few days and would complain about it. But three days later I was in the pool enjoying summer.

He and I ended up breaking up a year later and found out we are distant cousins so I have no regrets. No one needs an incest baby or another kid in the system. It allowed me to get out of that relationship too.

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