Non-binary Abortion

by R

March 21, 2023

I knew I was pregnant before I took the test but I was working a lot so I waited until my life was less stressful to test (4 weeks).. then life became more stressful. I knew I needed an abortion right away. Previously, I thought  that it would’ve been a hard decision, because of my religious childhood and former beliefs (before I was actually educated on what it even meant and that pro-life isn’t actually “pro-life”). The choice seemed very obvious and I honestly felt no emotions about it, despite being a very emotional person. The only emotion was anxiety, because I knew it wouldn’t be easy to access the medication and I wasn’t sure about my state’s restrictions and laws. I also felt a lot of privilege for being able to find a way to make the best decision for my body and life because so many don’t have the support or ability to do so; especially with my overlapping mental illnesses that legally qualify me as disabled.

I was told that I could get an abortion pill CONSULTATION (not even the actual ultra sound or prescription) one day before I would’ve been too far along to terminate the pregnancy. I chose to make an appointment in Chicago and drive 4 hours to stay with friends for a weekend while I had my ultrasound appointment and received my first dose of the dissolvable pills.

My friend ended up having time to drive with me in a winter storm to go to the appointment and I saw many people in the waiting room with the same medication information packets as mine; all signing the what seemed like endless pages of consent forms asking my blood type and other miscellaneous questions.

Then I went in for my ultrasound and dose after paying in cash (for the discount). The nurse was wearing a hijab and had such a cheery disposition when she asked if I’d like to keep a photo of the ultrasound that I could barely make out on the blurry screen. I just heard my own heartbeat while she made sure that it wasn’t an ectopic pregnancy and then she called the doctor in to administer the first round of pills and give me the second round as well as the anti-nausea to make sure that it actually worked.

I drove home and took the pills 24 hours after my appointment. The experience was accurately described by others as a combination of food poisoning and a heavy period with heavy cramping. However, the first 30 minutes to an hour were probably the most difficult pain I’ve experienced having never broken a bone or been in any surgical experiences. I ended up being sent to the ER the next week, but it’s unclear if that was related bc I was completely fine 2 days after and then experienced more cramping 7 days after.

All and all, I don’t want to experience that again. I feel confident in knowing that I’m not ready to start a family, so I did what was best for everyone involved. I look at this part of my life as a cautionary tale, because the morning after pill doesn’t work when you’re ovulating and I’m proof. It is weird knowing that my body is capable of experiencing pregnancy, because I think everyone has a thought like “What if I am infertile or something prevents me from starting a family when I am planning to?”. That’s the key to all of this. Families require planning that not every person wants for whatever circumstances. That’s our choice for our bodies and I’m thankful to everyone involved in helping me terminate my pregnancy. I wouldn’t say “I’m proud” personally, but I believe I showed a lot of strength for working full time while dealing with the stress of terminating my pregnancy.

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