No regrets

by Anonymous

February 11, 2019

I got pregnant when I was 21. My boyfriend and I used condoms, but one broke. I took emergency contraception within the hour, and I thought I would be fine. Four weeks later, I hadn’t gotten my period, so I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. I felt so betrayed, by my body, and by the two birth control methods I had used. I went on a walk to clear my head, and then made an appointment at planned parenthood. I decided on a medical abortion, because I couldn’t afford a surgical one, and I didn’t have anyone to drive me back from the clinic. I wasn’t conflicted and it wasn’t a difficult decision. The week between when I found out and when I was finally able to abort was the worst week of my life— I can hardly describe the relief when it was over. I won’t lie, the process did hurt, and it wasn’t easy. But it was hardly worse than a bad period, and I never saw anything identifiable in the blood clots I passed. Looking back, I’m incredibly proud of myself for being so sure in my decision. I was not ready to have a child. The idea of keeping it still seems absurd. And I’m proud of my family, my teachers, and my friends, for making sure I never grew up thinking abortion wouldn’t be a perfectly natural, reasonable, and valid decision. Sometimes I get a little shaken up when I read things online, the horrible things people say about women who’ve had abortions. And I wanted to share my story here because the whole thing was really so mundane, and no amount of misogynist bullying will convince me to feel guilty, or to dramatize the situation in order to justify it to others. I practiced safe sex and I got pregnant anyway. And I didn’t want to be a mother. So I chose not to be.

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