No Regrets

by Anonymous

October 9, 2020

I heard about this account from a counselor I met at my abortion appointment and I knew I wanted to share my story. I have pcos and was made to believe my whole life I can’t have children or at the very least it would be really hard for me to conceive. Last September, I started feeling really tired and bloated, and my boobs were killing me, they hurt so bad I had to ice them. My period wouldn’t come. I finally decided to take a pregnancy test just to eliminate the possibility of pregnancy  but nothing in the world could have prepared me for it to turn positive in front of my very eyes. I immediately googled “abortion” because I never wanted children, never wanted to get pregnant and never thought I’d be in this situation. When I called, the clinic asked me how long ago my last period was and because of my pcos, my cycle is 40+ days, which put me at about July. They estimated me to be at 12 weeks which I didn’t believe and I was right – when I came to my ultrasound they couldn’t even see my fetus, just the sac. I was about 4 weeks pregnant. had to wait another week to go back for confirmation and the abortion pills. The pills I took at home did horrible things to my body but I’m so happy I had access to them.

I have absolutely zero regrets about my decision, I do not feel guilty and I hated being pregnant. My body felt violated and gross. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror at all. I feel like I can’t share just how I felt with anyone. I don’t have any desire to birth anything and I’m so, so relieved I didn’t have to go through it. I was diagnosed with complex trauma and ptsd from this experience and I’m working on it in therapy. My body and mind have not yet recovered but I work very hard every day to heal myself. Thank you for the opportunity to share my story.

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