No “Good Reason”

by Anonymous

January 6, 2020

I found out I was pregnant when I began having cramps, but never got my period. The cramps were worse than my normal period cramps and after a whole week of pain, I booked a doctors appointment. Right before the appointment, I took a pregnancy test – and then 2 more shortly after to confirm that, to my horror, I was pregnant.

The doctor informed me that the cramps could be due to an ectopic pregnancy and promptly sent me for an ultrasound. Deep down, I hoped this was the case – but the ultrasound was inconclusive and I had to wait another 2 weeks to have it redone. In the mean time I kept having cramps and feeling incredibly guilty for hoping that something was wrong so that I didn’t have to make a decision.

After 2 weeks, my second ultrasound revealed that everything was fine. My partner, who I live with, was extremely supportive of whatever decision I wanted to make, as were my parents. I knew deep down what I wanted but I felt so incredibly guilty. I felt like I had “no good reason” to have an abortion – I had an amazing support network, a loving partner, a home and finances to support a child.

But I just wasn’t ready emotionally. I was 25, I was running my own business and felt like I still had a lot of growing up to do. After coming to terms with the decision I knew I had already made, I had a medical abortion.

I am still incredibly sad when I think about what may have been. But I know it has been the right decision for me and I can’t wait to continue to grow as a person so that when the time is right, I can be the best mum I can possibly be.

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