I was in a six-month-old relationship with an alcoholic/drug addict, but I ignored his addictions because he was so charming and funny and sweet. (At least when he was sober) We were crazy in love. He went away for a weeklong ski trip. I’d been on the pill our entire relationship, and during his absence, I missed exactly one pill. Well, as is normal with a new relationship, once he got home we couldn’t wait to get our hands on each other. But before I allowed that to happen, I looked him dead in the eye and said, I missed a pill. Do you promise to take responsibility for any possible outcomes? Naturally he said yes…and naturally I believed him…and I got pregnant. At 30. I had no family support on my side for whatever I did. They all just wanted to ignore the situation. When I told my partner, he threw up. That was a pretty clear indication that he didn’t remember his promise to me (not that surprising since he was hammered when he made it) so clearly no support from him to continue with the pregnancy. His evil sister threatened me with hell on earth from her lawyer husband should I decide to take the pregnancy to term and put the child up for adoption (I myself am an adoptee so this was my inclination) so nope, no support there either. So I had a surgical abortion at eight weeks.
I cried during the procedure.
I will be honest: For a long time I vacillated between relief and regret. Now? 100% relief. I’m not tethered to a damaged person and his massively dysfunctional family, and I did not bring a life into a world that is, sadly, dying.
I know that my story is TLDR but it feels so cathartic to tell it to people who understand and don’t judge. Thank you for providing this space to people like me.
