Never thought I would

by Marley

April 29, 2019

I had started feeling fatigued and ill and just all over rundown. I missed my period, but I’m not totally regular so I wasn’t any more worried than usual. I was positive I wasn’t pregnant. But my boyfriend wasn’t so sure. I finally took the test and inwardly collapsed. It was heart stopping to see the positive result.

I was 23. We were living in my boyfriends childhood bedroom with our 1.5 year old dog. He wasn’t working and was trying to finish school. I was waitressing. We’re both in a ton of student loan debt. I was fortunate to be on my parents health insurance, but the network didn’t extend far enough to where I was living.


I always wanted to be a mom and create my own family but this was not what I had in mind.  We weren’t prepared, we weren’t ready, and I didn’t want to repeat my parents’ mistake. (Quick side bar: they only knew each other 3 months before my mom became pregnant. They’ve stayed together this whole time, but I didn’t want my relationship tied to a surprise pregnancy.) Even still, I was 100% keeping it at first because while I am a big believer in a woman’s right to choose, I thought I would always keep a surprise pregnancy just because of how badly I want to be a mom (and that happens to be a pattern in my family.)

It took me 3 days to decide. But I finally recognized that I was filled with dread. I wasn’t happy or joyful or excited. I didn’t want anyone to know. My decision to continue with the pregnancy was based on what I thought I should do and what my parents would think (they still don’t know, but my boyfriends family does.)

It was the hardest decision of my life. It took a while for me to get comfortable with it. It’s been a year and half since the abortion. In that time, I got an actual job with a salary and health insurance, we moved into our own apartment and I started going to therapy.

It was a hard time to get to where I am now. But I don’t regret my choice and I am happy everyday that I found enough strength to do it. I’m lucky to have a supportive boyfriend and friends that rallied behind me. I’m grateful to the other women who went through the same experience and took the time to talk to me.

I won’t lie. I’m crying while writing this. It was a big moment in my life, but I wouldn’t change my decision for the world.

Abortion truly is freedom and all women deserve the choice.

Remember that our stories are ours to tell. We’d love to hear your story too!