Never did I want one let alone two

by Anonymous

January 20, 2021

I was only 17 and it was primarily my fault not taking my birth control. I knew I was risking but I thought that people did it all the time. I never cried but once and I didn’t feel attached it seemed. I kept it all in. I had the medical abortion and it was the worst pain I have ever endured and didn’t want to ever do it again. Afterwards I felt very alone, the guy and I had no connection even tho he was the only one I had ever been with. I couldn’t cry or be hurt it felt because the whole time I tried to joke about it so it didn’t feel real. I had ppd afterwards due to me being 5 weeks and it was worse than the initial abortion Itself. I didn’t think you could even have it when u had an abortion but I learned you definitely can. After dealing with it all myself I told myself you will never do that again

But 6 months later another test was positive and with the same guy. This time he was there to support me and made me feel so safe and good about it but I just cried and cried and cried. I felt like the worst person ever and that nobody ever has two abortions. I’m still worried karma may get me and I may not be able to get pregnant and I’m still working with that feeling of regret. Idk what to do and I feel more alone than I did the first time. It was only 2 weeks ago and I just want this to be over with. I know I will feel better some day but I now know it is totally normal to have two. Even though this man is now my boyfriend I feel like I should have hid Both of them because when I cry about them he gets upset but won’t show it and it makes me isolate myself even more because I want to protect him. Even though I was the one who went through them and especially with the first one I was completely alone

I just feel so much different than I did with my first one and I just wish that every woman who goes through this understands that it’s okay to have to and it doesn’t make you a bad person. Thank goodness I live in a state where it is possible to have one and with many resources.

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