by Anonymous

February 21, 2019

I got pregnant when I was in a relationship in my early 20’s and my vaginal hormonal birth control ring was dislodged and fell out during intercourse, which I didn’t notice for up to 5 days until we were changing the sheets. I didn’t even think there was a chance I was pregnant because I had missed a dose of oral birth control a few times over the years and hadn’t gotten pregnant. A week after I skipped my next period I took a pregnancy test, which ended up being positive.

The guy said he didn’t want another child, that he couldn’t even be there for the 2 he already had. I was in college, my job didn’t even support me, and I didn’t want to have a child due to my horrible childhood and I didn’t want to be pregnant due to the constant nausea all day. I found out that my then boyfriend’s children each had a different mother, he didn’t pay any child support, and though he was separated from his wife he was not yet divorced. I ended up going to the clinic by myself, not even being able to find the cluster of cells on the ultrasound image, and paying for the medical (non-surgical) abortion myself.

I was so mad at him about everything, yet I still returned to our place to take the pills without filling the pain medication thinking I wouldn’t need it. I was so wrong. I woke up in the middle of the night with terrible cramps, so bad that I woke him up to tell him to get ready so he could be at the pharmacy as soon as they opened. He needed my money to pay for the prescription. It was then I knew that I had absolutely made the correct decision.

Neither of us nor our families could provide for a child emotionally, financially, or physically (with our presence) nor would I want to bring a child into this world that might have his alcoholic genes or my possible predisposition for depression. I saw the issues that he was causing his children. I distanced myself from him, we moved out and went our separate ways and while he still thinks of me and occasionally tries to check in I never wonder how he’s doing or where he is, except when I get a communication from him and my only thought is I hope that he hasn’t had another child because no one deserves someone like him as a father. My life isn’t great now, I wish I could say I made myself highly successful and took advantage of every minute of alone time that I wouldn’t have had otherwise and enjoy every, but the fact is my life is just mediocre. t just reiterates how right my decision was because what success I do have would not have happened and bringing a child into an even worse situation would be unforgivable.

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