Navigating abortion alone and on my 20th birthday

by Anonymous

July 22, 2019

I found out I was pregnant the day I turned 20 years old. My boyfriend was working in another state 2,000 miles away and I had no one to talk to. I was halfway through my college career and unemployed. Honestly, I was happy everything happened to me the way it did. I think if I really look at myself, I could’ve gotten my life together to raise a child. My boyfriend is the love of my life and was extremely supportive of whatever felt best for me and helped me pay for everything. But the life of dropping everything for an accidental child is that of the women in my family before me, but I had the choice and I made it. I could have taken care of this child at 20; many other women in my family have, but I’m also a first generation college student, and I want my future child, should I ever have one, to see that their life is whatever they choose to do with it and not what everyone else has done before.

I won’t lie, though, keeping it secret from my family being around me all the time was extremely difficult, especially when I was starting to feel nauseous. I was never scared. I think the things that scared me were stressing out my boyfriend and the possibility of my family finding out, but the baby and being pregnant didn’t scare me. I wasn’t scared the day of the abortion and everyone I spoke to was overwhelmingly kind. I did feel awkward in the waiting room before the procedure, but that was it. I went by myself, I felt extremely taken care of, and the whole process felt like one giant cramp for about four seconds, and it was done. I did take a picture of my ultrasound with me; it still doesn’t even feel real. I regret nothing; I think it really gave me some perspective as to how I want to live the rest of my life, but I was happy it happened with the man that it did, and I was happy I made my choice and put myself first to be able to take better care of a potential future child. It feels good to get this off of my chest; thank you to this organization for giving all of us a safe-haven and place to vent/cope/express everything.

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