The odds weren’t in our favor. People can tell you that you can make it work but I didn’t want to make it ‘work’. I wasn’t college educated and haven’t worked in years, so to have the pressure on my husband to bring in the only income would be catastrophic. At the end of the day, what came to the decision of choosing abortion wasn’t status or income later on…but dealing the constant demand and hardship that will come. I already have one and I just recently enjoy my child and I wasn’t ready to start over again and put myself and my child’s well being last. People can call it selfish or sinful, but at the end of the day, they’re not the ones caring and tending to my kids. With my husband’s career constantly in demand, I know I’ll be alone in this journey again and I’m simply not ready to care for 2 just yet. I want to execute my goals and passion for once because I never got the chance to when I stayed at home with my child. I don’t have much of a supportive family on both sides. We only have each other, and my husband can only handle so much as well as me.
Don’t get me wrong, I thought the sooner the abortion the less emotionally attached I’ll be, but instead I grieved about it . It hurts to know you, yourself, are not ready (whatever the case it is). This decision wasn’t right nor wrong and I realized everyone’s story why people have abortion isn’t just one category. It’s all walks of life and reason …and for mine, I truly wasn’t mentally and physically prepared to bring another life into this world. I had a lot of resentment and anger with my first and I just recovered from postpartum depression, so I fear I wouldn’t been able to give the next one the quality of life he/she deserves. I know there will be times I will think what would or could become, but at the end of the day, I knew this decision need to be made for the sake of my family now. This experience of mine is heartbreaking (and wasn’t taken lightly) but I know I’ll find acceptance and healing from this. I just want to let anyone out there, whether you’re already a mom or just a teenager, you’re not alone and I have your back.
