My husband and I tried to have a baby for six years. I have severe endometriosis and other health issues that can cause infertility. We decided to pursue ivf. During those six years we had two late term miscarriages at 19 weeks and twins at 17 weeks. During my last pregnancy we learned it was twins again. For unknown reasons I lost one twin early on but the second baby appeared healthy. We soon learned that she actually had anencephaly. It’s a type of neural tube defect which results in a baby being born without the front part of the brain (forebrain) and the thinking and coordinating part of the brain (cerebrum). This means she would never talk or walk. She’d never smile or laugh or feel any emotions. She’d essentially be brain dead. Its 100% fatal. And because we don’t know the level of pain anencephalic babies feel the few born alive are usually kept sedated for whatever short life they live. For us there was no choice. On February 21, 2019 I had an induction termination. I did choose life. I chose to give my daughter a life free of pain. I took her pain and made it mine. Isn’t that what every parent wishes they could do when their child is suffering?
I’m often told I don’t get to mourn her because… Please know that all feelings are valid after an abortion- grief, relief, hope, sadness, happiness- no matter the reason you had it.
